


Aberrant

by SergeantPixie



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Gen, Original Character(s), Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-28
Updated: 2013-09-28
Packaged: 2017-12-27 20:56:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/983519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SergeantPixie/pseuds/SergeantPixie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elena Gilbert leaves the night her Aunt Jenna dies. Damon doesn't know how to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One: The Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I'm moving everything over from fanfiction, and this is my favorite fic I've written.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aberrant; adj., departing from accepted standard.

Elena disappears the night Jenna dies.

It goes like this. Damon rushes to dig the splintered wood out of his brother's back, as Klaus writhes in pain at the edge of the clearing. Damon passes Elena's unconscious (dead) body, so he knows she was there. But once he's liberated Stefan from the splintered stake, and moves towards the altar to gather Elena's body, she's gone.

For a second he thinks the damn werewolf bite is fucking with his head, but as he scours the clearing it becomes clear that she is really gone. He watches as Elijah betrays them, and whisks Klaus away, too numb to care.

Where did she go? He wonders numbly, even as Stefan shakes him, asking him the same question over and over. Where did she go?

Damon looks into his brother's eyes, full of hurt and confusion and gut-wrenching panic. And he knows. Perhaps it's because they have that thing (an understanding) or maybe it's because he expects less from people, but he's the first to get it. She left us.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

They bury John and Jenna on a clear day. Damon waits for her to show up – to say goodbye. He sits on the tombstone across from her parents' grave and waits. Maybe she left them (him), but she'd never leave without saying goodbye to Jenna, or Jeremy.

Stefan finds him at 3 AM and grabs his arm to drag him home. When Damon hisses upon contact, Stefan rips up his sleeve to reveal the werewolf bite and swears under his breath. Stefan tells him over and over again that he's going to fix it but all Damon can think is why the hell didn't she say goodbye?

Stefan leaves and Caroline takes his place. Caroline sits next to him and shivers. But she never says a word, and Damon wonders if she's as hurt as he is because fucking hell why wouldn't she say goodbye? The sun starts to rise and Damon fights off a spasm of pain just as Caroline finally speaks.

"Do you think we made her unhappy?" Her voice is small and hesitant, like she's afraid he might scream at her if she says a single wrong word. Damon sits there as her words sink in, did they make her unhappy?

"I don't know, Caroline. I don't know why she – left," Damon says gruffly, and Caroline nods. She stands up and drags him to his feet, supporting his weight easily on her smaller frame.

"Come on, you need to get some rest," Caroline says gently even as he resists, "she's not coming back Damon, not today."

He gives in and lets her drag him back to the boarding house and tuck him into bed. She busily bustles around, feeding him blood and pressing cold wash clothes to his burning skin.

A cold fear sets in as he lies there. What if he never sees her again? He could die –soon– and never see her beautiful face again. He wonders if he'll ever get a chance to really apologize for forcibly feeding her his blood and killing her brother and letting her aunt die and just generally not taking the best care of her.

His fear is unfounded. Katherine appears and offers up the cure as Caroline hovers at the door. Katherine feeds it to him and he devours her face with his eyes, trying to make them softer, more human.

"Don't try to make me into her," Katherine murmurs almost tenderly as she strokes his cheek. She presses a lingering kiss to his forehead and later he'll swear he imagined it, but he thinks she whispers I'm sorry people keep leaving you against his forehead.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Damon finds out that Stefan sold his soul to the fucking devil through a thirty-second phone call. He swears and hisses and throws his phone at the wall, as Caroline screeches at him to calm down.

It's always him and Caroline now, because Bonnie is obsessed with the idea that someone took Elena against her will, refusing to acknowledge what Damon knows. (Damon knows Elena, and Elena left them.) Little Gilbert keeps trying to tell Damon something, but Damon doesn't want to hear it, because all he feels when he looks at him is guilt.

Alaric drinks and searches for Elena but it's like she vanished into thin air. She's reported a missing person and her picture becomes a permanent fixture on billboards and telephone poles. Occasionally there's a lead, but it all comes back to Katherine, Elena is gone. It's as if she never existed at all.

Damon searches for Stefan because at least it's not like searching for a ghost. Caroline trails after him complaining about everything and looking like a little lost girl without Elena around to make her strong.

The only bit of evidence Elena left behind hangs around Caroline's neck. Her locket is Caroline's constant companion, and Damon's afraid of what Caroline might do if she loses it. When they stop to sleep Caroline wraps her hand around the beloved locket and then curls her whole body around it, whispering Elena's name like a prayer until she falls into a fitful sleep.

Damon doesn't sleep. He sits and holds Caroline's free hand and soothes her when she awakes from nightmares she refuses to talk about. He's frittering away, but he holds it together as best he can. Finding Stefan seems like the first step in finding Elena, but they're always one step behind Klaus and Stefan and the wake of bodies they leave behind them.

Caroline becomes adept at cleaning up these messes, and Damon would almost feel proud if it weren't for the fact that she should be at home with Elena, going to parties and flirting with Tyler, not burning bodies to cover his brother's sloppy kills, sleeping in the woods on the cold hard ground and consuming next to nothing as she wastes away.

He tries to make Caroline go home by enlisting Liz and Tyler, but she slams her phone into a tree when they start to call too much, and tells them she hates them when they come to visit in person. He gets the message. She's here to stay.

When Klaus realizes there's something wrong with his hybrids he leads them to Chicago. Caroline and Damon stay tucked into a dark corner of Gloria's, waiting for them. When they come in with a prissy blonde who screeches for her necklace, Caroline's hand jumps to her neck inquisitively. Damon looks into her wide blue eyes, and reaches the same conclusion she has.

Based on the guilty look on Stefan's face, Elena's locket was what the bratty blonde – Rebekah – was what looking for. Caroline and Damon try there best to slip out of the bar unnoticed, but Klaus catches a glimpse of Caroline's bright gold hair, and drags them both back in.

Rebekah (the whiny brat) tears the necklace from Caroline's throat viciously and Damon has to wrap his arms around her tiny breakable waist, to keep her from launching herself at the Original. Caroline falls to the ground with a banshee-like sob and Damon goes with her, shushing her as Gloria performs some spell on the necklace.

Caroline turns her face into Damon's neck and he can feel her lips moving against his collarbone.

"Elena, Elena, Elena, Elena, Elena, Elena," she chants under her breath, and he rocks her back in forth as her hot tears slide down his neck disappearing below the collar of his shirt.

The spell reveals what is driving Caroline to the brink of insanity. Elena is alive, and far, far away. Klaus paces back and forth, muttering, before he rips Damon from his place on the ground, sending Caroline to the floor with a thump. He pins Damon to a wall and slams his head against the wall like a rag doll.

"Where is she?" Klaus demands, shaking with barely suppressed rage. Damon meets his eyes coldly, and leans forward.

"I don't know," Damon says, his eyes widening and his jaw set. Klaus let's out a harsh laugh and glances at Caroline who stares at the witch holding the necklace. Her eyes are empty and unseeing and Klaus seems to almost believe them. Then he slams Damon against the wall again.

"I don't believe you, now tell me where she is or I swear to god I will kill you and your little Barbie girl," Klaus snarls as Damon stares back at him impassively. "Come on then, stop looking at me like that and speak up!" Klaus demands hotly.

"I. Don't. Know." Damon says through clenched teeth. Klaus slams his hand into Damon's chest and clutches his heart in his hand. Damon groans in pain and Caroline takes her eyes of Gloria to glance at him with fear in her eyes. "She left," Damon finally gasps. Klaus drops him to the ground suddenly and glares down at him, waiting.

"After the sacrifice, while I was digging a stake out of my brother's back, Elena woke up, because Bonnie did her little witch juju so she lived, and she left. No one knows where she went, or why she left. She left us all," Damon says as he pushes himself off the ground and makes his way to Caroline, who grasps his arm and pulls him in tight against her slight frame.

"So I'm supposed to believe she just left everyone she loved behind and ran off to join the circus?" Klaus says with disbelief. Caroline lets out a shuddering breath and meets his eyes dead on. Damon holds onto her frail wrists to keep her from flinging herself at the Hybrid.

"Shut up. Shut up! SHUT UP!" Caroline screeches as she struggles against Damon, and Klaus actually takes a step back, wary of her rage. "You don't know anything you stupid selfish bastard!" Caroline seethes as she tries to push herself away from Damon who holds fast to her malnourished body. The veins stick out around Caroline's eyes and her whole body shakes. Klaus takes another step back, glancing at his sister who watches the younger blonde with perverse fascination.

"Now calm down darling, you can't expect me to just believe that Miss-Family-and-Loved-Ones would just leave," Klaus says, trying his best to calm the hysterical blonde. She lunges at him one more time, and then stops moving, stops breathing, just stares at him.

"Well she did," Caroline whispers fiercely and then she collapses into Damon's arms, sobbing desperately. Damon pushes back her messy hair absentmindedly as Stefan watches them stoically.

"She didn't take anything with her," Damon says, taking the attention away from Caroline. Klaus raises an eyebrow and Stefan looks at the ground. "She just got up from the ground and walked away. She didn't even come back for the funeral," Damon states in a calm, detached fashion.

"So we find her, I find out what's wrong with my hybrids and then I fix it," Klaus declares impatiently as Damon fusses over Caroline absentmindedly, wiping her tears from het face with his bare hands, and smoothing her tangled hair.

"That's sounds great," Damon says sarcastically as he glares at the hybrid. "Except we're not helping you find her," Damon ends flatly, his jaw clenched. Caroline looks up at the hybrid with fierce eyes, and nods her head firmly. Klaus looks down at them in stunned disbelief. Then he begins to laugh which makes Gloria, Stefan and Rebekah shift uncomfortably. His hysterical laughter continues but Damon and Caroline's fierce expressions don't change.

Klaus stops laughing abruptly and lunges down, grabbing Caroline by her hair and pulls her up to stand eye to eye with him. He grips her messy blonde hair and she bites back a scream.

"You don't have a choice," he declares coldly. "Besides," he continues, "who knows, maybe I need princess alive," he says casually, his eyes bright. "I promise I won't kill her the second we find her," he says gleefully. Caroline whimpers as he releases his hold on her hair when Damon nods his grim consent.

"There's just one problem," Gloria calls from behind him. They all turn to look at her and Klaus gestures for her to continue. "There's a spell blocking me, I can't find her with the locket," she explains. "In fact," she continues "I can't find her with anything at all, if I couldn't feel the magic protecting her, it would be like she never existed in the first place."

They all stare.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

It's nine months into their little excursion and six since the Klaus forced himself and his lackeys on them. They're camped out in the living room of a luxurious foreclosed home. Rebekah is whining about being dragged around the country looking for a girl who clearly does not want to be found. Damon hates the petulant brat more every day.

"Seriously," Rebekah whines, drawing the word out. "She clearly left by her own choosing, based on what Gloria told us about the pleasant aura coming from wherever she is," Rebekah points out for the billionth time. Caroline glares at her and Damon waits for her to try to attack the blonde for what might've been the trillionth time. She restrains herself. Damon is proud of her progress.

"Shut up little sister," Klaus singsongs in annoyance as he takes a sip of his liquor. Rebekah pouts but shuts up. Stefan holds himself stiffly, as far away from Damon and Caroline as possible. The room descends into silence.

Damon thinks back to the day that Gloria told them a very powerful witch had hidden Elena from sight, that she could only tell them if she was safe or not. She was safe.

They had gone looking for Katherine soon after, hoping she might have some answers. They had found her on Elena's birthday. She told them she didn't know where she was, and that was that. Damon knew she didn't know where Elena was, but she did know something. Katherine always knew something.

But he got distracted when Caroline disappeared and he forgot all about Katherine. She returned few hours later with perfectly styled hair and clean clothes. She was quiet when she pulled out a small red velvet box from her jacket.

She told him that she had had the town jeweler make it for Elena's 18th birthday. She handed him the box and he opened it to reveal a delicate gold ring of ivy. Engraved on the inside of the delicate circle are repeating entwined C's and E's. He stared at it for a long time and then plucked it from its velvet cushion and slid it onto Caroline's finger. It fit her perfectly.

She smiled at him and told him her and Elena had always worn the same ring size. He told her it was a beautiful gift and she nodded her head with a faraway look in her eyes.

The delicate ivy gleams from Caroline's hand as she stares into space from across the room and he wonders if it will ever be on the hand of the girl it was meant for.

"What are you thinking about?" Damon asks by way of distracting himself from thoughts of Elena. Caroline starts and then shakes her head a bit, as if to clear a fog from her mind. She locks her eyes on his face and smiles at him wearily.

"I was just thinking of the last time I really had Elena all to myself," She explains with a sad smile, and his gut twists with guilt when he remembers that he is one of the people who took up all of her best friend's time and left none for her. "I just realized that it was also the last time that she was really happy, I think," Caroline explains with a lost expression.

"When? What were you doing?" He prods, curious to know of a time when Elena Gilbert did not have a shadow hanging over her. No one else says a word, but they all know that they are curious. Stefan, despite his cold distance, was very curious to know of the Elena from before. Klaus was simply bored, and always enjoyed a good story.

But Rebekah was eager, ravenous even. No one would tell her a thing about the infamous enigma that was Elena Gilbert, and she was not happy about it. Caroline twists the ivy ring around and around and begins to speak.

"It was homecoming, sophomore year. Bonnie had a date with a senior – God, I was so jealous! – And Elena had told Matt that she didn't feel like going. So I stayed home with her," Caroline explains as a slow smile makes its way across her lips. "Her parent's had taken Jeremy to some nerdy artist convention thing for the weekend, so it was just us," Caroline says with a flirtatious wink and Damon is captivated by the way the story brings back Elena's Caroline.

"We wore fancy party dresses anyway, pale pink for me, like a something a ballerina would wear, and Elena wore this gorgeous silvery dress that made her look like a goddess." Caroline describes with a faraway look in her big blue eyes. "no shoes, because heels hurt like a bitch," Caroline says with a laugh.

"And I made an ivy crown from the backyard for her to wear, because she was totally Homecoming queen material." Caroline describes and Damon finds himself leaning in. Was this the story behind the ivy ring?

"Before her dad left we had him help us put up Christmas lights – the sparkly white kind – in the trees in her backyard. We made cupcakes and pies and cookies and finger sandwiches and sat on the porch in the backyard, gossiping and flirting because we could," Caroline says with a girlish giggle. She has them all completely entranced.

"We drank too much spiked punch and sang oldies and danced. We played tag and truth or dare and cartwheeled across the yard in our underwear just because," Caroline pauses for a breath. "When our voices were hoarse and our skin icy cold, we went inside and made hot chocolate and stole her father's shirts and her mom's fluffiest pairs of socks to wear, but 'Lena kept the ivy crown on."

Damon wonders if that was Caroline's version of paradise.

"We curled up on the couch and watched old black and white movies and ate popcorn with too much butter and swapped secrets. Then when our fingers were slick with butter and the world seemed grainy and gray, we built a fort of sheets and pillows and curled up with all the blankets in the house and fell asleep all intertwined." Caroline pauses again, clears her throat and continues. "I woke up once, and I couldn't tell where Elena began and I finished. I fell back asleep before it occurred to me that we had always been that way," Caroline stops and Damon wonders if the story is finished.

Caroline is silent for a long time, lost in thought, and he glances around at the others in the room. Stefan's face is somewhere between devastation and his familiar stoic brooding. Klaus looks perplexed, and a little entranced. Rebekah's face is full of such sadness and longing that Damon has to look away. Caroline finally speaks.

"When I woke up the next morning, Bonnie was there chattering about her date, and taking up all Elena's attention again." Caroline says sadly. "But she was still wearing her ivy crown, and she gave me this little secret smile, and all was forgiven," Caroline explains. So it was the story of the ivy ring, Damon notes.

"I never had her undivided attention again. And then her parents died and she never danced or sang or lived like that night again," Caroline concludes. No one speaks after that for a long time.

Damon thinks back to every moment he had spent in Elena's presence, and realizes that he had never seen her truly happy. There was always something for her to worry about, something for her to feel guilty about. He wonders if she left all that behind when she left. He hopes so.

Caroline interrupts the silence again, saying what three of them were thinking.

"I think we made her unhappy," Caroline begins slowly, "I think, that with every little selfish thing we asked of her, we took away some of her happiness, some of her," Caroline admits, her voice laden with guilt.

"Me too," Damon says. Stefan doesn't say anything, but they know he agrees.

"She just, she made it seem so easy," Caroline says with tears in her eyes. "She never said anything when we took too much, and it made it so easy," Caroline's voice shakes. "She made it so easy to take it all for ourselves and leave nothing for her."

Damon doesn't disagree, and neither does Stefan. It's Rebekah that shames them.

"You are all terrible, selfish people, and you don't deserve her," she spits out viciously, trembling with barely repressed rage. She leaps to her feet, "I hope you never find her!" She screeches with tears in her eyes and she leaves the room quickly, before she can reveal any more. Klaus watches her go, and when he looks at them, they can see his agreement in his eyes. Even the monster of all monsters thinks they're selfish.

Damon wonders when he and Stefan became Katherine and Elena their helpless victim. He wonders if that's why Elena left. Did she get sick of playing the victim? Did she get sick of being used over and over again? Did she get sick of being sad and witnessing catastrophes and losing people and breaking of little pieces of her heart? Did she get sick of loving them, loving all of them until there was nothing left herself? Did she get sick of him?

And suddenly Damon doesn't understand why they're chasing after a girl who deserves to get as far away from them as possible. Because Elena Gilbert deserves so much more than any of them could offer.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The world ends so simply Damon's left with nothing but a few lines from a T.S. Elliot poem.

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper

It's simple really, Caroline gets sick of not having a phone, so she buys a new one and the next day Little Gilbert calls her. Somewhere along the way Caroline got stronger, she even started eating regularly, and her nightmares were dwindling. So Damon doesn't understand why she is suddenly breaking. She curls in on herself and Stefan asks if she's okay as Damon picks up the phone she dropped. Without thinking, he brings it to his ear.

"-I'm sorry Caroline, they found her body six miles away from the place of sacrifice, it was a hit and run. The coroner says –" Damon drops the phone and sits down heavily.

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper

They return for the funeral. Klaus and Rebekah sit in the far corner and Caroline and Damon sit in the family pew with Alaric and Jeremy. Stefan sits a row behind them with Bonnie and the Lockwoods. People stand and talk about Elena. Jeremy makes a speech that has Bonnie in hysterical tears. Damon doesn't feel a thing; he doesn't even hear a word.

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper

They say she died that very night. Liz thinks she wandered off after she woke and accidently stepped in front of a moving vehicle. The body was so decomposed it was hard to get DNA, but it was the same height and build and age as her. The driver had come forward and admitted that she might've hit something on her way home from the bar. She wasn't sure when it happened, but she thought it had been in that time period. The girl was so distraught no one knew what to do with her.

How was Elena Gilbert dead? How did a car kill Elena Gilbert? How could metal and oil and plastic kill someone so alive? How do you kill someone who lived for everyone else? Damon doesn't understand, but mostly he doesn't believe.

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

This is the way the world ends

Not with a bang but a whimper

They bury the decomposing body of the girl who is supposed to be his Elena but Damon doubts it's really her. When everyone else is gone, he, Caroline, Stefan, Rebekah, and Klaus are left. They say their goodbyes one by one.

Klaus goes first and simply tells her he's disappointed she couldn't help him with his hybrid problem. Caroline's about to scream at him when he adds in a softer voice how much he admired her gumption.

"No one has ever told me to go to hell quite like you," he states simply. Stefan steps forward next.

His goodbyes are punctuated with I'm sorrys. He tells her how much he loved her but how he can't ever truly apologize for the monster he was and had become. He ends with a weak maybe.

"Maybe someday I'll be the man you loved," he half-promises. Rebekah steps forward next. Her words pierce Damon's dead heart.

"I never knew you Elena Gilbert. But I wanted to – I still do. Everything I heard about you, all of it, made me want to know you more. You sounded so brave, so kind, and so truly alive. I've never met anyone like you. I'm sorry we never met; I'd like to think we would've been friends. I hope it's nice where you are. I hope you're with your family now," Damon almost smiles at her earnest rambling. For a crazy Original she wasn't too bad. The next words out of her mouth shock him to his core.

"I'm going to take care of the family you have left here. From now on, Jeremy Gilbert can call me his big sister Rebekah," She finishes with a sad smile. Damon is shocked. Barbie-Klaus has a heart after all. And somehow Elena Gilbert managed to prove it from beyond the grave. Funny, how she could bring the best out in people who didn't even know her. Rebekah drops a red rose on her grave and moves back for Caroline to take her place.

Caroline simply sinks down into the earth of Elena's freshly dug grave. She twists her fingers into the dirt and presses her face to the slab of cold, unforgiving marble. She lets out a shuddering breath and Damon waits for the dam to break. Time seems to stand still. Caroline keeps her face pressed to Elena's headstone, and breathes. Damon doesn't know what to make of her non-reaction.

"I miss you," Caroline utters at last. The words are so full of longing it's like a punch to the gut. She stands and brushes the dirt from her hands and her knees and walks away. It's Damon's turn. He simply stands there and waits until they get the hint. The rest of them leave. His words are for Elena only. When they're far enough away he speaks.

"You're not Elena," he states simply. "I don't know who you are, but you can't be Elena Gilbert," He tells the freshly dug grave and the rotten body. "Elena is alive, I know it. And I'm going to be the one to find her." He explains this calmly to the marble slab.

He pays his respect to Jenna and John, then to Grayson, but he seats himself in front of Elena's mother's grave, because she would've liked him, Elena always told him so. He tells her all about his weird friendship with her daughter. He tells her about how she always believed in him, and made him feel like a human. He tells her about going to Atlanta and dancing at the Miss Mystic pageant. He talks about killing Jeremy and trying to be her friend again and then trying to keep her safe.

Then he tells her about looking for Elena, and all the times he wanted to give up, but how he couldn't, because he was never very good at giving up on people. Not his brother, not Katherine and certainly not Elena who believed in him when no one else did. Finally he promises on the grave of them woman who made Elena so compassionate and brave. He swears he'll find Elena and make sure she says a proper goodbye to her aunt and her uncle and them, her parents.

When he runs out of words, she comes. Just like he thought she would.

"Hello Katherine, fancy meeting you here."

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

"Damon. I wasn't expecting you," Katherine says with a start. She's clutching daisies in her hand and Damon is surprised to find that she knows they're Elena's favorite flowers.

"That's not really her," Damon says, ignoring her words. "But you know that, don't you?" He continues. Locking his bright blue eyes with her deep, dark hazel ones. She shifts closer to "Elena's" grave.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she says with ease, and Damon almost believes her. "I just came to bring flowers to the last of the Petrovas," she claims. Damon believes that Katherine would, family was very important to her, even if she was never exactly kind to Elena in life. But there's something about the way Katherine looks at him that makes him not believe her.

"That is not Elena Gilbert and we both know it," Damon says in a low furious voice. He's had it with Katherine's riddles. He just wants to know where Elena is so that he can bring her home. Katherine doesn't say a word, she simply holds his gaze, studying him.

"She's safe Damon," Katherine says at last. "That's all I know," she continues. "I killed 'Elena'," she explains as she gestures to the grave with the daisies, "a couple nights after the real one disappeared, just in case. And then Elena called me out of the blue and asked for my help. We met up in Portland, and I gave her some of her old school records. That's all she wanted," Katherine concludes. Damon's entire body goes slack. She's alive.

"Where's she staying? Who is she with? Did she look all right? Did she say why she just left?" Damon demands all in one breath. Katherine kneels to place the daisies in front of the fake Elena's grave, next to Rebekah's rose. When she stands she meets Damon's gaze head on. Her face is stripped of games and deceit and for once, honesty reigns supreme.

"I do not know where she is staying, she didn't tell me. I didn't ask. As far as I know, she came to Portland alone. She looked fine, happier. She didn't say anything about it. I just gave her the files and told her that I'd take care of everyone who was looking for her," Katherine explains slowly, never breaking eye contact. She's telling the truth.

"How did she get in contact with you?" Damon demands, unsatisfied. Katherine rolls her eyes and perches atop the headstone.

"I gave her my number a while ago, just in case," Katherine says with a shrug. Damon starts, he wasn't aware that Katherine had ever been nice to Elena.

"In case what?" He questions.

"Just in case she needed me," Katherine admits in a low voice. Damon doesn't have a response for that. Katherine stands to leave. "She's the only family I have left, it's the least I could do," she says in a soft voice as she begins to walk away. She stops and slides a piece of paper out of her back pocket. She turns back and hands it to him. Damon takes it hesitantly. "She gave me this, for you."

Damon takes it carefully. Katherine leaves without another word. Damon runs a hand through his hair. He knows she's alive now, but he still doesn't know where she is. He can't bring himself to open to paper just yet. But he knows she's alive now.

He's right back at the start, except he has no Caroline or Stefan or even Klaus or Rebekah, to back him up. It's just him. He contemplates telling Caroline, because she'd want to know. But in the end he decides it was better for her, if he was the only one who knew. Caroline could go back to school and learn how to be a functioning person without Elena Gilbert; Damon would spend the rest of his eternity looking for her.

He finally opens the deceptively ordinary piece of lined paper. A single sentence is written in Elena's neat handwriting, directly in the center of the page. Seven words break his heart.

It's my turn to be selfish, Damon.


	2. Part Two: The Runaway

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elena awakes to chaos.

Elena awakes to chaos. Klaus is writhing on the ground and flames dance high in the air. Damon digs a splintered stake from Stefan's back and Elena blindly ignores the lifeless body of her aunt. She raises a trembling hand to her heaving chest and feels the feverish racing of her heart.

Human. She's still human. She gets up and walks to the woods. She tears her locket from her neck, letting it drop to the ground as she stumbles towards the darkness. She turns at the edge and watches as Damon finally turns to look for her. Elijah and Klaus struggle on the ground, Stefan drags himself to his feet.

Elena turns around and keeps walking. She doesn't look back. Human. She's still human. She trips and falls and she drags herself to her feet. Human. She's still human. She feels so numb.

More numb than when she awoke in the hospital and her parents were dead. More numb than when she found out that she looked just like Katherine. More numb than when she met Isobel. More numb than when she watched Damon snap her baby brother's neck. More numb than when she realized all the bad stuff that happened was her fault.

She doesn't want to be Elena Gilbert, doppelganger, friend, girlfriend, sister, daughter, sacrifice, anymore. So she chooses to walk away; she chooses to break their hearts in favor of salvaging her own. Elena Gilbert is not a selfish person, but maybe if the girl leaves her behind she can learn how to be.

She stumbles onto the highway at dawn and walks until she finds a truck stop with a payphone. When she dials information she numbly wonders whom she should ask for. The name is out of her lips before she even thinks it through. Charlie Hale. She had never mentioned him in the Salvatores' presence. He was an old family friend, the closest thing she had to a big brother.

The operator puts her through. Charlie's tired voice calls her name through the phone. She's silent for a moment. Can Elena Gilbert really do this? No. But maybe she can. If she leaves her behind. She takes a breath and lets her go.

"Charlie? I- can I come stay with you for a while?"

She leaves because there are too many bodies with her name carved into their flesh. She leaves because she is sick to death of playing tug-a-war with life and death and two beautiful, immortal brothers. She's done.

Elena finally admits what she has always known. Elena Gilbert died in that car with her parents. The girl who woke up in the hospital bed was just an imposter filling in until Elena could accept that she would never be that girl again.

"Can you come get me?" Breath in. "…" Breathe out. " Okay. I'm at a truck stop, just outside of Mystic Falls, near the highway," breathe in. "…" Breathe out. "See you soon. Love you," breathe in. "..." Breathe out.

"And Charlie?" Breathe in. "…" Breathe out. "Hurry," breathe in. "…" Breathe out. "I'll stay safe," breathe out. "…" Breathe in. "No I'm not hurt," breathe out. "…" Breathe in. "Bye," breathe out. "…" Click. Breathe in.

"Goodbye Elena Gilbert," breathe out. "You don't exist," breathe in. "Not anymore," breathe out.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

It's afternoon by the time a taxicab pulls up with Charlie in the back. The girl formerly known as Elena had expected this much; he did live in California after all. She'd set up residence in one of the diner's booths, and a silent waitress had handed her a cup of coffee, on the house. The Girl had smiled gratefully and muttered a thank you.

The waitress had simply smiled and gone off the flirt with a trucker. She topped off the girl's cup every hour or so but otherwise stayed clear of the girl's safe haven. The Girl was grateful. She tried sleeping, but the image of Jenna's dead body popped up every time she closed her eyes. She settled for a newspaper.

She read every article carefully, not leaving an inch of it unread. When she finished the local newspaper she fidgeted until a kind old gentleman handed her a copy of the New York Times with a smile as he headed out the door. The Girl had been startled, but she mumbled her thanks and he tipped his hat to her.

She reads, but glanced out the window often, expecting to see Damon, or Stefan, or Bonnie, someone, tearing across the highway with an expression of rage that she would leave them. They don't. She's surprised that she seems to have made such a clean getaway.

She waits for the anger, the hurt, to rush up. It doesn't. She's only about 20 miles out of town, less than ten from the place of sacrifice. She's not hard to find. She left a trail from when she stumbled through the woods for hours.

But they hadn't found her. Did this mean she finally was experiencing a bit of good luck? Did this mean they thought she was at home? Did this mean they didn't want her to come back? Did this mean they were dead? Did they lose? Did Klaus murder them like he murdered Jenna, like he murdered her? The girl stops thinking about them after that. She doesn't look up until a taxicab with Charlie Hale in it pulls up late in the afternoon.

She smiles and gestures for the waitress to come over. When the lady comes over the girl smiles at her and says, "a coffee to go please."

The woman nods and scurries off, Charlie climbs out of the cab, all confidence and stony looks. The dark-haired girl can't help but smile at it. He was just as she had remembered. Messy dark hair and kind brown eyes, tall and well built, it wasn't surprising that the girl's friends had all had a crush on him at some point.

He had a way about him that was larger than life that made her feel incredibly safe. He was the closest thing to an older brother that she had ever had. He enters the diner and everyone stops to look at him. He doesn't notice. He's zeroed in on the tired girl huddled in her booth and he heads right for her. The waitress gets there seconds before he does, dropping off the to go coffee. She flashes her candy-sweet smile and tells the girl that it's on the house.

Charlie reaches her right after the waitress waves off her thanks and he pulls the girl up into his arms. She clings to him and inhales his comforting scent.

"Hey there, little girl," he whispers gruffly in her ear. She wraps her arms around his waist tightly and smiles into his shoulder.

"Hey," she whispers back. She feels like she's home for the first time in a long time. He pulls back and puts his hands on either side of her face, forcing her to look at him. He runs critical eyes over the face of the little girl he's known all her life. She's not a little girl anymore. He at last cocks his head towards the cab that's waiting for them and she nods.

She scoops up the coffee and hands it to him. He takes it from her gratefully and tucks her into his side as they leave the diner. Everyone is still watching him – them. They don't notice.

"We've got a flight back to Cali in two hours, we've got to get you some food, brat," Charlie says when they exit the diner. She nods her head, not trusting her voice. It had been so long since someone took care of her. Not in the sense of life or death, but simple details. Making sure she ate, helping her with her homework, asking about her day. She wanted simplicity, not complicated. She wanted everyday details, not life-or-death.

Maybe that's why she called him. Charlie was simple and comforting. He was her big brother in every way but blood. She trusted him to take care of her and to not ask questions she didn't want to answer. He was her "big brother" after all.

Charlie settles her in the cab and orders the cabbie to take them back to the airport. The man lifts an eyebrow but begins to drive anyway. What kind of man leaves the airport, picks up a girl, and then goes right back to the airport?

Charlie turns his attention back to the girl beside him, and studies her critically. She looks tired. She looks like death warmed over. She looks lost and scared and so very small. She looks like a little girl and an old woman all at once. But most of all she looks defeated. He doesn't tell her any of this. He simply takes a sip of his coffee and puts a big hand on the side of her head. He gently pushes her head down on his shoulder.

"Sleep, honey. I'll wake you up when we get to the airport." He orders in a soft voice. Now was not the time to demand questions. She nods in defeat, she didn't need to make decisions now, she had someone to that for her. It was nice to let go for a little while. To stop fighting

"Do you need anything from your house?" Charlie utters. The girl tenses. Now was the time. If she says yes, she brings something with, something from her old life, and she'll never let go. But if she doesn't, she might regret it, just a little bit. But she'll be free.

"No. No I don't need anything. I don't want it." She says firmly. Charlie raises an eyebrow, but simply nods in acceptance. Charlie was not the kind of man to ask questions. She makes herself comfortable against his shoulder, and lets herself drift away for a moment, before she fights sleep long enough to make her request. "Charlie? I don't wanna be Elena Gilbert anymore – I'm not Elena Gilbert anymore," she murmurs sleepily. Charlie scrunches his brow.

"What do you mean, little girl? What should I call you instead?" He questions. The girl doesn't answer for a long time. But just when he thought she had fallen asleep, her soft voice breaks the silence.

"Call me little girl, call me honey, call me brat, just don't call Elena Gilbert." She declares softly. But her voice is firm and sure.

"Honey, you need a name, everyone needs one." Charlie says gently, not letting her know that she was being quite absurd.

"Well fine then," the girl murmurs in irritation. "Call me –" she starts, but then she stops to think. "Call me Lena," She settles with ease. "Lena's close enough to Elena that you won't forget," She decides with a satisfied smile. Charlie smiles in amusement.

"Don't you need a last name, brat?" He asks with a bemused smirk. The newly named Lena rolls her eyes at him.

"That's simple silly, my name is Lena Hale and I'm your sister," she declares with a satisfied grin. Charlie finds himself incredibly touched by the gesture. She'd always been his pseudo-sister; it was nice to think of her as a real one.

"All right then, Lena Hale, welcome to the family," he says with a wry grin. "Now go to sleep brat," he finishes firmly. Lena sticks her tongue out at him and leans her head against his shoulder.

"Good night big brother," she whispers sleepily. Charlie grins as he finishes off his lukewarm coffee.

"Good night little sister," he whispers back. She'd always been his little girl; it was nice to know she felt that way about him too.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Charlie's home in Northern California is secluded. It's tucked right up against the edge of the woods, and their closest neighbor is two miles away. Lena loves it.

They arrive at night and it's so dark that everything blurs together, but the house is stark white, so it stands out against the dark forest. Lena has distant memories of this house from her childhood. Their families had been old friends, their father's went to college together. She had spent every summer there until the age of twelve.

But when she was twelve and a half, she overheard her mother on the phone, something about someone being all alone and a terrible tragedy. Suddenly they were travelling to the Hale household in the middle of March, and her mother helped her into a scratchy black dress and Charlie wouldn't leave his bedroom. Elena lured him out with hot chocolate and gossip about the boy she liked. Charlie didn't say a word as she blathered on but he sipped his cocoa and a tiny smile appeared on his face.

They buried his parents on a Monday, and he held Elena's hand so tight she was afraid he might break it. She didn't say a word though; she didn't want him to let go, because Charlie couldn't be alone. Not him.

They stayed until the end of March because then Charlie turned 18 and could legally take care of himself. Elena refused to leave him alone, and slept on floor next to his bed and cried and screamed when it came time for the Gilberts to leave. Charlie had hugged her close and told her that he'd call every week and to stop being such a brat.

That was Elena's first experience with death and she never forgot it. Especially not when her world turned upside down and Charlie was the one holding her hand as they buried her parents. They were both orphans now. Elena was glad to have him.

No one else is left in Charlie's family, so it's just the two of them. The house has been in his –their – family for generations, so the attic is full of secrets and old clothes, books and knick-knacks. Lena loves it because Charlie does. She chooses the room next to Charlie's, and falls asleep in a massive sleigh bed every night. She doesn't leave the house and she cries herself to sleep every night. Charlie silently wakes her from her nightmares and never asks her to tell him what happened.

Lena knows she's in mourning, but she's not sure why. She was sure she had left Elena Gilbert and all her tragedy behind, but somehow she's still stuck with her memories and her feelings and her longing for the family she left behind. She wishes she had a vampire to take away all her memories, but she knows that it's better this way. She has to learn how to let go of the past, how to become Lena Hale and still remember Elena Gilbert.

After wandering around the house in one of Charlie's old shirts and her jeans for three and a half weeks, Lena tells Charlie she needs more clothes. He offers to take her shopping, but Lena cringes at the thought of leaving her safe haven. Understanding her reluctance, Charlie gives her free range of the house, so she searches it top to bottom. She finds nothing of interest or use until she reaches the attic.

Tucked back into a corner is a red vinyl trunk. There are layers upon layers of neatly folded sundresses. Elena pulls them all out, and lays them around her, like fallen soufflés. She shimmies into one, it's the color of ice, with plump pink rosebuds scattered across it. The skirt flares out at her hips and it hugs her torso snuggly. It fits perfectly, they all do.

Charlie finds her hours later, wearing a pale green dress and skimming through an ancient copy of The Secret Garden. He helps her bring all the dresses downstairs, into her new bedroom. He offers to have them cleaned properly, and she agrees.

Wearing them makes her feel less like Elena Gilbert and more like Lena Hale because Elena wore jeans every day and so maybe Lena will wear pretty girl sundresses. It occurs to her that becoming Lena Hale is a chance to become someone her parents would be truly proud of. So she tells Charlie to enroll her at the local high school.

Her first step is to finish high school, and worry about college applications and her future like a normal girl would. Her second step is to do something she'd secretly wanted to do her whole life. She tells Charlie and he looks at her like she's crazy, but he agrees to help her. They set up in the guest bathroom; all the rugs have been removed.

"Are you sure about this, Lena?" Charlie asks doubtfully.

"Yes, now do it or I will," Lena replies forcefully.

"All right, I was just making sure you weren't having second thoughts," Charlie replies calmly. He gathers all of her long dark hair into ones hand and cuts it to her collarbone in one swift chop. Lena doesn't even cry when it hits the ground. She's never felt so light in her entire life. She eyes the girl in the mirror warily, her hair was messy and wavy and so very short. The girl in the mirror smiles at her, she smiles back.

When Charlie leaves her alone she wipes a single tear from her eye and says to the girl in the mirror, "it's better this way."

She believes it. She leaves the room and never cries herself to sleep again, in fact, she barely cries at all. She's learning to be Lena. Elena starts to fade away, and Lena takes her place with ease.

School had basically been over when she'd left, so all she had to do was get her records. But since she was technically a missing person, she couldn't just call and ask for them. So she calls the only person she can think of. She waits on bated breath as the phone rings.

The person on the other line answers with a brisk hello. Lena let's out a deep breath and says her name. "Katherine."

"Why hello stranger, everyone's looking for you," Katherine purrs through the phone. Lena rolls her eyes.

"I need your help Katherine. Please."

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The thing about her and Katherine is that there is more to them than anyone thinks. The simple fact of the matter is, they're family, and at the end of the day, that means more to either of them than either of the Salvatore brothers or evil Hybrids who want to sacrifice them and rule the world. Maybe they didn't have matching tattoos and know every goddamn thing about each other, but they cared.

Beyond that one day when Elena sat with Katherine at the tomb, they had only spent two separate days together. Once when Elena was sick and Katherine spent the whole day poking fun at her and making her chicken noodle soup, and once when Elena was feeling reckless and stupid and broke into Alaric-Klaus's apartment.

Katherine had been amused yet irritated with her, but had still allowed her to stay. They'd raided the cupboards and spent the day drinking whiskey and eating microwave popcorn. At the end of it, Katherine had handed Elena a tiny slip of paper with a number scrawled on it, and told her doppleganger to call her if she ever needed to. Elena had committed the number to memory and then burned it. Elena Gilbert would never let herself use it. But Lena Hale would.

When all was said and done, they were family, and they both treasured family above all else. So when Lena Hale calls Katherine Pierce and asks her to jump, Katherine Pierce asks how high.

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"What do you need?"

"My school records."

"Done. Anything else?"

"Meet me in Portland, at Peninsula Park, we'll talk there."

"When?"

"Next week, Sunday, at noon, by the fountain."

"I'll see you there lovely."

"See you there."

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Lena agonizes over her meeting with Katherine. Should she have Katherine deliver a letter for anyone at home? Should she ask about them? Should she send Jeremy anything? Or Caroline? Or Damon, or Stefan, or John, or Bonnie? In the end she decides on giving only Jeremy, Damon, and Caroline anything. After all, Jeremy was family, and Caroline would lose her mind without her. But Damon, she owed Damon some explanation.

She picks through the sundresses in her closet until she finds the one she wants. It's pure white, with a crimson silk ribbon to tie it at the waist. It's covered in ivy embroidery. Caroline will understand what it means.

For Jeremy she sends a picture. It's one of her and him sitting on the porch of the Hale house. Elena sits on the tops step, and Jeremy sits one below her. She's eight and he's six. She's got her arms wrapped around his chest, and his grubby hands are wrapped around her wrists. They have matching grins, but he's missing his two front teeth. On the back it says Elena and Jeremy, taken by Charlie, Hale-Gilbert family album. Lena hopes he understands what it means; that she's safe.

She wants to write Damon a letter, but she doesn't know what to say. She stares at her newly acquired stack of lined-paper, and wonders what she could possibly say to make him understand. She leaves the paper blank until the night before she and Charlie leave for Portland. She finally forces herself to explain as best she can. It comes down to seven words.

It's my turn to be selfish, Damon.

It's not enough. It will never be enough; Lena knows that. But there's nothing else to say, no words to make him understand without hurting him, and the last thing Lena wants to do is hurt him. She broke his heart, and loved his brother, and never ever gave him a chance. And yet somehow she felt she owed him an explanation more than she owed Stefan one. Maybe it was because he always understood her, without needing words or excuses. Lena can now admit that Elena loved him for it, deep, deep down. But Lena Hale remembers Damon Salvatore from someone else's memories, she has no business loving him, or his brother or anyone but her brother, Charlie Hale.

She and Charlie take a plane up to Portland Sunday morning, and Charlie holds her hand the whole way. Lena loves him for it. Charlie offers to wait at a coffee shop for her and Katherine to be finished, and Lena is grateful that he doesn't insist on coming with her. She can't explain why her and Katherine look exactly alike.

Katherine is waiting near the fountain just like she promised. Lena carries a shopping bag with the note, the picture and the dress in it. Katherine raises an eyebrow when she sees her.

"Nice hair," she comments lightly as she leans into hug Lena, carefully, as if she might run away. Lena hugs her back fiercely and Katherine relaxes into her arms.

"Thank you, I thought it was time to cut loose some of the dead weight," Lena responds with a wry grin. Katherine steps out of the human's embrace and smiles at her indulgently.

"I'll say," Katherine says and Lena knows the vampire caught the double meaning behind her words. "Here are your files," Katherine continues before Lena can respond. "Is there anything else you need Elena?" Katherine asks.

"Lena." Lena corrects automatically. Katherine raises a questioning eyebrow at her. "It's Lena now. I can't be Elena anymore. Elena is dead and gone, and I need you to make sure they don't find me, any of them. I need Elena Gilbert to disappear." Lena finishes strongly. Katherine leans forward and tenderly tucks Lena's hair behind her ear.

"Already done, Lena," Katherine assures lightly. "Just make me one little promise, and I guarantee no one will ever find you."

"And that is?" Lena asks suspiciously. Katherine takes her descendant's face in her hands, and makes sure that Lena is looking directly into her eyes.

"Don't ever look back." Katherine speaks slowly; making sure Lena gets every word. "You forget all about Mystic Falls, vampires, sacrifices, witches, you forget all about Elena Gilbert and being the Petrova Doppleganger. You be Lena, and be happy, and live a happy, normal life, for both of us, okay?"

"Of course." Lena says solemnly. Katherine smiles and leans forward to press a kiss to Lena's forehead.

"Good girl," Katherine murmurs. Lena easily hands the bag to Katherine, and requests she give the dress to Caroline, photo to Jeremy, and note to Damon. Katherine agrees and fills her in on all of the news in Mystic Falls. Lena cries when Katherine tells her that John died to save her, and Katherine presses his letter into her hand. Katherine then tells her that she'd had a witch put a very powerful protective spell on her; no one would ever be able to find her.

She reveals the final part of her plan to Lena, it had been a month and a half since she'd disappeared, in three months Damon would find Katherine and Katherine would convince him she didn't know where she went, in six months Damon would be losing steam hopefully, and in another three Sheriff Forbes would find the decomposing body of a girl with Elena's height and build. Damon wouldn't buy it, but it would keep her safe from Klaus.

Lena thanks Katherine for all that she has done, and Katherine simply smiles and squeezes her hand. Lena understands what she's trying to say. One of them should get a chance to live a human life, one without fear.

When it's time for Lena to leave, the two girls embrace again, and Katherine slips a thin gold chain around Lena's neck. A delicate gold wishbone charm hangs off of it.

"Consider it an early birthday present. It was your mother's, Isobel. And her mother's and her mother's mother and all of the hers before her. It's something of a family heirloom. But it's more of a reminder, Petrova women are good at running away, but it always makes them miserable. Don't let that happen to you. You are not running away Lena Hale, you are walking away, and there is a big difference between the two. Learn to love yourself, learn to be selfish, but most of all learn be happy, and never ever be afraid to wish for things that seem impossible."

Katherine's words ring in Lena's ears long after the vampire is gone.

Lena and Charlie catch an eight o'clock flight back home. Lena's tucked into bed by midnight. She doesn't take off Katherine's gift. She wraps a shaky hand around it and makes a silent vow and a resolute decision. The next day she tells Charlie she wants her middle name to be Katerina.

Lena Katerina Hale has a ring to it.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

She turns eighteen and Charlie hands her a form for a legal name change. She fills out the form with ease and doesn't feel a bit guilty when she receives the letter confirming her name change a week later. Charlie gives Lena her new class schedule as a birthday present, and she would've been content with just that, but then he hands her a neatly wrapped gift, and tells her to open it in his quiet voice.

It's a brand new journal. The familiar smell of leather fills her nose and she holds back a sob. She left Elena behind but underneath the vintage sundresses and shorter hair, she's still the same girl. Writing is still her passion, and she loves Charlie for knowing that. She puts the journal on the table carefully and flings her arms around Charlie's neck. He laughs and wraps his arms around her.

"Thank you so much," Lena murmurs into his shoulder. Charlie laughs and squeezes her affectionately.

"You're welcome, little girl," he says with great amusement. She finally lets go of him and they order pizza and watch bad television. It's the best birthday she's ever had.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Lena eventually starts leaving the house on a regular basis. She uses her newly acquired driver's license to drive into town and wander around. She spends a lot of time at the library, and expanding her wardrobe in the secondhand store that somehow is more vintage than used. She finds sturdy cowboy boots and dainty ballet flats. She buys a pair of sneakers and starts running through the woods behind her house.

The woods are cool and quiet. Lena has yet to see anyone else there. She runs until she has no air in her lungs and her whole body aches. She ends up gasping into the still air and then limping home. She aches all over, but she is so gloriously alive and human that she can't help but do it over and over again. By the time school starts she is stronger than she's ever been.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

The thing about going to school again is that Lena's from a small town. She's gone to school with her classmates from kindergarten on. She's never really had to make new friends and start over from scratch. Lena finds it both liberating and terrifying.

It's scary in the way every new experience is, but it's also wonderful, because she never has to be Elena again. No more sympathetic glances and small town gossip. The closest town is, after all, more of a small city. No one will know who she is, they won't even know Charlie. She has a chance for a clean slate. No complicated romances or supernatural beings.

She's looking forward to school for the first time in a very long time.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

She makes friends slowly. For the first month she eats outside under a tree and reads a book. She answers questions in class when she can, and she does all her homework. Her English teacher offers to write her a college recommendation letter and Lena is flattered.

A pretty redheaded girl named Olivia adopts her as her new best friend in October and refuses to take no for an answer. After Olivia comes Amelia, and then Sarah and Mike. They become an odd little family but Lena wouldn't trade them for anything in the world. They don't ask about her past, and she loves them for it. Olivia pretty much moves into the Hale house, and Charlie accepts her with ease.

Olivia and Lena apply to all the same colleges and are each other's prom dates. Lena feels happy and content and human. Sometimes she's still sad and can't help but think of Mystic Falls and Caroline and Jeremy and Damon, and Stefan.

Those are the times she picks up the phone and calls Katherine. Sometimes she doesn't say a word and Katherine tells her about all the Petrova women before her. She listens to the sound of Katherine's voice until all the fear and sadness drain from her body.

Sometimes she has so much to say she feels like she's going to burst so she writes it all down. She goes three journals during the school year and decides to become a writer. When Olivia finds out she tells her to dedicate a book to her. Lena nods and says: "But not the first one." Olivia seems to understand what it means. They have an unspoken agreement that her past is off limits.

Lena gets into all the same colleges as Olivia and they choose one in Southern California because it's warm there and only an hour and a half away from Derek. The girls make plans to room together and Lena calls to tell Katherine all about it. It's odd to think that Lena would depend on her so much, but she does, so she doesn't bother questioning it.

When she graduates high school Katherine is there. She sits in the very back, and shoves all her looping curls under an itchy blonde wig, and wears big dark sunglasses. Lena still knows it's her. While everyone else is celebrating Lena slips to a dark corner of the gym and hugs Katherine tight. Katherine whispers how proud she is of her into Lena's ear and kisses her cheeks. She slips a small velvet box into her hands and disappears.

Lena doesn't open it until she's alone in her room much later. It's a pair of diamond teardrop earrings. Lena smiles and rolls her eyes. Trust Katherine to come up with the perfect gift. She places them in her jewelry box and takes a deep breath before sliding a box out from under her bed. She lifts off the lid and the smell of cedar permeates the air.

The box is full to the brim with mementos of the past. Pictures of her family and Charlie's, letters she wrote to Charlie, the shirt she was wearing the night she died and came to life and walked away. At the very bottom is John Gilbert's letter. She'd never read it. It was finally time.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

She loves college. It's challenging and refreshing and occasionally crazy, but she loves it just the same. She dates for the first time since she left Mystic Falls, and he's beautiful and charismatic and human. It's not love, but he makes her smile. They don't last three months but Lena's okay with that. She doesn't need forever, just right now

Olivia falls head over heels in love with a blonde girl from Canada, Rebecca, and Lena holds her hand when she tells her parents. Olivia officially moves into the Hale household later that night.

They get tattoos together when they go to Baja for spring break. Olivia gets a butterfly on her hip and Lena gets a howling wolf on her shoulder blade. It hurts but Lena considers it a talisman. A reminder of what she has lived through and who she has become.

She moves to New Orleans when she finishes college, and submits the book she'd been working on since her first year of college. The third publisher snaps it up. Lena dedicates it to Jeremy.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

Life goes on, and Lena grows older. She loves the life she's built for herself, but most of all she loves herself. It is such a foreign experience for her that sometimes she has no idea what to do with it. But it's better than the year and a half of self-loathing and revulsion that she'd lived in after her parent's death so she learns to accept it. She writes all the time, and her books are an instant success.

She still talks to Katherine on a weekly basis, and Charlie at least twice a week, if not more. Olivia comes to visit her and they act like the teenage girls they used to be. She helps Olivia pick out a ring to propose to her girlfriend, Julia, and she's the maid of honor at their wedding in New York. Charlie gives Olivia away and Lena cries.

A year down the line Olivia will reveal that she's unable to have children. Julia's job as a Lawyer is too important to her for her to even consider getting pregnant so Lena volunteers to be their surrogate. Olivia cries tears of joy and Julia tells her that it's the best idea she's ever heard.

Lena doesn't know how she feels about bringing a Petrova into this world, but she'd do anything for Olivia. They name the little girl Madeline Lena. Lena kisses her forehead once and proclaims herself Aunt Lena. Nothing makes her happier than the smiles on Olivia and Julia's faces.

She's twenty-five and she never knew that life could be so beautiful.


	3. Part Three: The Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damon finds her on accident.

Damon finds her on accident.

It's been nine years since Elena Gilbert disappeared and he thinks about her everyday. He keeps her note in his favorite leather jacket, but he never reads it.

He's browsing a quaint bookstore in New York City when he comes across a book written by Lena K. Hale. He knows the name only because everyone and their mother reads her books and he opens it out curiosity. He drops it like it's covered in vervaine. He picks it up slowly, with caution, as if the words will disappear. But they're still there. Printed boldly on the dedication page.

To Caroline:

For the girl who learned

how to save herself,

and gave me an ivy crown

with a teasing smirk;

it's your turn to come first.

Damon tells himself it's a coincidence. That somehow this Lena Hale had a friend named Caroline and was given an ivy crown, because it's impossible. But he finds himself reaching for another of her books. He flips to the dedication page. To Tyler. He slams the book shut and grips it as he heaves for air. Tyler is a very common name. He doesn't want to read them but he can't help it.

He asks the store clerk how many books Lena K. Hale has written and he's shocked when the girl tells him fifteen. Fifteen? Fifteen books in five years? How was that possible? He asks her if they have all of them and she simply stares at him like he's crazy before she goes to gather up the other thirteen. He pays in cash and hurries to his car.

He sits and stares at them for an hour before he opens the first one again. It's still dedicated to Caroline. He remembers the last time he saw Caroline. It was Jeremy's high school graduation. He didn't go back to Mystic Falls often, only when Jeremy or Caroline deemed it necessary really. She'd been wearing her favorite dress, white with ivy embroidery. The gold ivy ring hangs from a chain around her neck now. Somehow she'd taken Elena's "death" better than he imagined, because she was rarely seen without a smile. He opens the next book.

To Tyler:

For the boy who was cursed,

but kept his humanity,

and dared me to live;

I dare you.

It never occurred to Damon that Elena and Tyler were friends, even if he knew they were. But it was true that they grew up together, so they must've had some kind of friendship. He just didn't think about it.

He reads every last dedication and is surprised to find that she dedicated one to John.

To John:

For the man who put aside

his beliefs to help a little lost girl,

and never lived to tell;

You were extraordinary too.

He can't decide if he's more shocked by the inclusion of John or Isobel.

To Isobel:

To the woman I never knew

and never belonged to,

but still loved me anyway;

I hope you found it.

He's not surprised by the inclusion of Katherine, but he wonders what Elena means by it.

To Katherine:

For the woman who taught me to be selfish,

and loved more than anyone knew;

she would've loved you.

Damon reads every last one and every name is someone from Elena's family, except one. Charlie. He tries to think where he might've heard that name, but he can't remember. Did the Gilbert's know a Charlie? Wasn't there a picture of a handsome young man in a graduation cap and gown with an arm thrown around each Gilbert sibling in the Gilbert's living room? He'd asked Jeremy who it was once and he'd told him it was Charlie Hale.

To Charlie:

For the man who picked me up

off the side of the road,

and told me it was okay,

to start over again;

you're the best big brother.

Damon wonders how he never thought to look for him before. Charlie Hale. Lena K. Hale. He thinks back to the fond grin Jeremy had bestowed on the picture, and wondered what Charlie was like.

He knows the picture must be important because it's placed right next to the one of their parents' wedding picture, and the one of Jeremy and Elena as children that Damon knows is Jeremy's favorite. That particular picture hadn't always been there, as far as Damon knew, but it had resurfaced when he came back for Caroline's graduation. It sits next to the picture of Jeremy, Alaric, and Rebekah.

To Miranda:

For the woman who gave me

a pen, and told me to write,

what ever came to mind;

rest in peace.

To Grayson:

For the man who taught me

how to drive a car,

and told me I was ready,

when he gave me the keys,

I always believed in you too.

After all these years he still finds it hard to believe that Rebekah kept her promise to Elena, but she did. Jeremy was uncomfortable with her at first, her being Klaus's sister and all, but she grew on him. He eventually started calling her sis and Damon knows that when it's just the two of them Jeremy tells her stories about Elena.

To Jeremy:

For the boy who had no one left,

and still survived,

who was my little brother,

in everyway that mattered;

start living.

His dedication is at the bottom of the pile. His hands shake when he opens the book because he's the only one left. He opens it cautiously. Sure enough, it says his name. He stares at his name for a long time. Gathering his courage to read her words.

To Damon:

For the man who loved too deeply,

and always, always, understood me;

love yourself.

It's the shortest one. His dead heart seems to pound in his chest. She always did know what to say to make him feel human.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

To Bonnie:

For the girl who showed

me magic, made me believe,

and kept us all safe;

worry about you now.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

He reads about her on the Internet. She went to Stanford University, and "grew up" outside of Carmel in Northern California. Her brother Charlie is five years older than her. Their parents died when she was twelve years old at a restaurant shooting. There are pictures of a young Elena holding Charlie's hand at the funeral.

To Alaric:

For the man who fought

dragons with us,

and taught me the value

of those who came before us;

even white knights need to breathe.

The article goes on to claim that she went to boarding school until her senior year when she transferred to a public school in Carmel. There are pictures of her from her senior year. There's a pretty redhead next to her in almost every picture.

The article reveals that the redhead is named Olivia, and she is "Lena's" best friend. Olivia married a woman named Julia. Two and a half years ago the two women wanted to have a child, but they couldn't, so Lena/Elena was their surrogate. She gave birth to a healthy baby girl named Madeline Lena.

To Stefan:

For the man who saved my life,

and saved so many souls'

with his understanding;

it's time to save your own.

He doesn't want to know anymore about her personal life so he skips to the career section. She had first book published fresh out of college and had basically published three books a year since. She's considered one of the most prolific, intelligent writers of her time. Damon smiles at this.

Her fans and critics alike are fascinated by her dedications, and Damon can understand why. Each dedication is a praise of who the person is, and an encouragement to be more, to have more, to be happy. Some speculate that the dedications are to people who do not exist, but others argue that since Charlie exists, so must the others. She never answers questions about her dedications.

To Jenna:

To the woman who tried

so hard to hold us together,

and loved us so well;

you deserve peace.

The more he learns about her new life, the more he understands that she is happy. He can't bring himself to stop looking though. He wants to see her, one more time. Make sure she's really happy, and then he'll let go.

He scrolls back up to the personal section of the article. She lives in New Orleans.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

To Matt:

For the boy who got left behind

when we grew up too fast,

and fell to pieces, no longer a puzzle,

no longer inseparable;

life is waiting.

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/

He finds her at a park. She's sitting on a bench soaking up the spring sun, and Damon has never found her more beautiful. Her hair falls in messy waves to her collarbone and she wears a pale blue sundress. Her eyes are closed and her face is upturned to the sun. She looks peaceful.

He walks towards her slowly. Details come into sharper focus. She twirls a single daisy in her hands. A gold necklace with a wishbone charm hangs from her neck. She brushes her hair behind her ear. She's wearing diamond teardrop earrings. She opens her eyes when he's about three yards away. She smiles at him and he almost cries.

"Hello Damon."

He's never heard anything more beautiful in all of his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end!


End file.
